Day 36
music
One of my earliest memories is laying under the piano bench and listening to my mom play. I lay there while she played or taught, and I distinctly remember touching the bottom of that upright, feeling the vibration in my little hands.
Later when I was six or so, she tried to teach me, but I didn’t have the discipline to practice. It wasn’t until I was fourteen or fifteen when she took me out of public school to homeschool me that I became bored enough to learn. I started with Beethoven’s Fur Elise, learning to play and to read the music at the same time. From there, I became adolescent-obsessed with practicing, playing, improvising, singing.
After I married, I didn’t have a piano, so I got pretty rusty, and since then, playing makes me a bit sad because I miss being more proficient. If I’m singing while I play though, I just don’t care. Singing makes me feel right.
Just now, I was sitting here feeling pretty over it; as I have been all week. I think this whole isolation, weird work schedule, financial stress is finally getting to me. I tried to keep it all at bay for as long as I could, but as so many of you have suggested: it sucks. I decided to put on my Jacob Collier You Tube mix and the first video was him doing a rendition of Billy Joel’s song Just the Way You are. Watching his hands play and listening to his incredible chord progressions brought tears to my eyes. He plays a black upright that reminds me so much of the one I grew up with. This flood of nostalgia and other un-recognizable emotions flooded me. I had a good cry.
Music. It is a cornerstone, a touchstone, a critical element of the most important moments of my life. The feel of piano keys is synonymous with all sensual things for me. The sound of an acoustic guitar makes me feel completely calm and at home. Life is hard, no doubt. Music always, always, always brings me back to myself. Where there is music there is movement, there is vibration, there is rhythm and sense. I can imagine any future as long as I can imagine layered voices. When the tech fails, when we don’t have money for ink or paper, we can stomp and clap and sing. This is a secret even the wind knows.
