Day 58
today
Today is June 3 and I was up early, unable to sleep past 6:15. There is nothing special about that, or about the coffee, or the routine that leads me into my day. There is nothing special about my inner thoughts or feelings. Like most days, I am taking a minute in the morning to give myself something more than just the hours of work and chores in front of me. I am giving myself books and a long thirsty look at the pond below me on the neighbor’s ranch.
I am preoccupied with the protests that I know happened last night, wondering if the energy is dying down or still building. I have decided to take a break from social media because…well, because of the cruelty and the assault of language. I love words, and their ability to convey the subtleties of our experience. I love them too for their force and simplicity. However, I believe that words are only as meaningful as the thoughts and emotions that precede them. Lately, I have wondered if the desperation and frustration everyone is experiencing has robbed them of the ability to think before they speak.
I am also thinking about the river depths and whether or not Sand Lake is still closed in by snow, because tomorrow we are going fishing. Yes, while the world rages, I will go fishing. During the great wars, the plagues, the most horrible times on this planet, people have gone fishing.
To drop bait in the water, or to skate a fly across the surface, is to integrate with the water, the fish, the hunger. There is a lot of waiting in fishing, and while I wait, I will try not to overthink, try to let the moment speak and give me some small gift. There are so many kinds of hunger.
