Day 22
mother
To be a mother is to be constantly trying to clear the mist of our own fears, expectations, anxieties and hopes, that we might see our children for who they are; apart from us. As our children grow, it becomes increasingly difficult; for early on, they practice the art of hiding in their own fog of fear and expectation.
From the moment of giving birth, a mother begins the process of letting go, suffering a gradual amputation as this child—once part of her very body, tucked deep in her belly, is separated from her. Even as she lets go, she is learning a new way to love; a way that surrenders to great distances, to longing, to separation, and to the occasional intense re-connection, when her grown children reach out to tell her that they love and need her.
Perhaps we chose God the Father over God the Mother, not just to elevate the male over the female, but because worshiping, adoring, loving, needing and longing for the Mother is so intense and personal. In the Father, we have a maker somewhat removed. We have in Him a master, a protector, and a judge, however merciful. In the Mother God, we would have the complexity and terror of the deepest Love. We would have the womb as our Eden. We would have the confusing angst of needing to be autonomous while also needing the Home that She is. If we chose God our Mother, we would be choosing a bond not easily set aside and an autonomy not easily exercised. We would choose to be aware that we are always connected to Her love, while also knowing that we can never fully return to the Eden that is Her.
And as any child of a damaged, abusive, unstable or inadequate mother will tell you; a life without the intense love of a healthy mother is a lonely one. It is a life without the safety of Her body and Love and without the relief of separation from the same. It is a landscape with horizons that remain eternally distant. For these children, particularly the grown, whose mothers were, and perhaps still are lost; I offer this:
May you remember or discover the God who is Mother. The womb of all creation; the safe center. May you know Her love. May you be seen clearly and be loved for who you are with that perfect Love that all earthbound mothers are trying to embody. And may you find this motherlove in the beauty and wholeness of this Earth and of all the mothers who harness this Holy Love, and see you clearly, and love you completely.
