Day 78
behind
I hate time. I really hate it. There are so many days when I just want it to stop, or definitely slow down. Then there are meetings and conversations where I just wish time would shrink and shrink and the hour would become minutes. What about mornings after a bad night’s sleep? Don’t you just wish clocks would die?
In this last quarter of this project, I’m draggin’ a bit. The season for tourism is kicking off amidst the virus here and we are back to work. This is where finding the Time to write and relax, or even eat, becomes challenging. Everyday starts with an assessment of how much time I have to work with and how much time each thing will take, then drive time, coffee prep and drink time, mid-day snack time, sheesh! I get tired just writing about it.
I’m behind, behind, behind, all the time, and I feel the minutes ticking while I try…to…catch…up.
So this evening I got in the kayak on the lake for just over an hour and tried to forget that I was behind. I took MY time (which is much slower and easier than regular time) getting out into the lake. My shoulders and back found some kind of rhythm, and I curled up against the bank and watched a family of geese. I talked to my lover, who was fishing from shore, while the sun set behind him.
This is the only way to deal with the feeling of being behind. Rather than pushing back, you sometimes have to resist, carve out some space in that day to breathe. I have learned that it is possible to step out of the stress and into a boat or a deck chair. I’m still behind this evening, and I’m not sure I’m catching up; but I’m putting that clock in its place and remembering to operate on MY time.
